Two hours to go, and I know why they make you come in so early for top surgery: it’s so you’re so befuddled with tiredness that you can’t have so many feelings!

Coffee is brewing – but not for me. I’m up, I’m dressed, I’m feeling ready to go.

As I get closer and closer to surgery the whole process starts to seem vaguely unreal, and I’m struggling to grasp the reality of what I’m doing. There are so many parts of this experience I’ve never had before: I’ve never had surgery, I’ve never been under general anesthetic, I’ve never met my surgeon… I never dreamed that I would actually do this.

I was worried yesterday that it felt like doubt. That maybe I should cancel and maybe I should just put this whole idea aside. But then I thought about how I would actually feel if I did that and I realised that just because this experience is one huge unknown doesn’t mean that it’s not the thing I want. It’s similar to how I felt when I moved to America – I’m leaving behind an important and valuable phase of my life, and I don’t know how I’ll handle the new one, but I do know that it’s time to make the move because even while the place I’m in is good, I can aspire to better.

I’ll see you all on the other side – wish me luck!