Old Enough

I know that adults can be transgender, but not children. I’m not going to let my child live out a fantasy. If they want to, they can transition when they’re old enough.

And what will you to say to them? To your child who is old enough?

What will you say to a child who you have forced, for every day of their remembered lives, to enact your adult fantasy of their gender? Who you have forced to pretend is a gender that they are not?

What will you say to a child who you have told, every day of their remembered lives, that you will not love the person they are, that you refuse to see their heart, that the only way to make you happy is to live a lie?

What will you say to the child who you have forced to hide themselves from you? Who knows that you will not protect them? Will not listen to them? Will not see them? What will you say to the child who knows that every day of their remembered lives you could have done something different?

What will you say to the child who has suffered from depression? Anxiety? Dysphoria? Pain that you chose for them and refused to take away. What kind of relationship will you have left with the child who has wanted to kill themselves because of the lie you forced them to live, and who knows that any day you could have stopped their hurt and pain and you chose not to, because they weren’t old enough?

What will you say to the child who has seen their peers transition? Who has seen them flourish in their wholeness and happiness, supported by parents who chose to love them? What will you say to the child who has talked to trans advocates, who has read the medical literature and knows that there is no factual basis for your decision, only ignorance and hatred of who they are? To a child who knows that no amount of needing your love was enough to make you actually love them?

Will you tell them you are sorry?

Will you tell them you were wrong?

Will there be any child left behind for you to tell?

Was it worth it?

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